Lost

I have lost a lot of things in the past couple of days. 

My appetite which has led to losing at least 5 pounds. A lot of sleep. A lot of tears. A family I thought I'd be a part of. All of these things I've lost because I lost my best friend.. 

I lost Trent.

Trent and I broke up Monday night. It's been a big shock to everyone, and especially to me. A week ago, I had my life planned out with a boy I loved. Now, all I have in my future is graduation and a whole lot of guess work. And I hate it.

I don't even feel like I can begin to explain how it happened. It was so sudden. One little error of communication on Thursday lead to a horrible weekend filled with both of us taking a step back and analyzing our relationship. We had both come to the realization that maybe we weren't right for each other. And then Monday night, we broke up.
We ended things on a good note. It was mutual. We both felt the same way. But that doesn't make it any easier. I try to tell myself it's for the best. It was the right thing to do. That my Heavenly Father has another plan for me. But then I remember that all the plans Trent and I had together are never going to happen. That he is out of my life. That I can't text or call him throughout my day to tell him random little things. That we won't stay up till three in the morning when I become loopy and crazy and we laugh so hard. That I'll never be held or kissed by him again. That I won't be apart of his wonderful family. And I lose it. I break down. And it becomes almost impossible to stay positive.
One thing I can at least be grateful for is that I'm home and can be with my family during this. The family that let's me cry in their arms and tells me things will be ok but that it's alright to be sad right now. The family that brings me a frosty in the middle of the night to comfort me. As hard of a time I've been having, it would've been worse if it weren't for them.

I know things will get better. I've had a broken heart before and it has healed so I know it can and will be healed again. That it just takes time. But it's so hard when what I want is not what is right for me. When I love someone so much but have to say goodbye...
So goodbye Trent. Thanks for everything you've done for me these past six months. I wish you the best of luck in everything you do, cause you deserve the best. You deserve to be happy. You are such a great guy and I will miss you terribly..
Goodbye.

In honor of finals week..

:)

Thoughts..

*I have three finals standing in my way of Christmas break.

*I've already gotten most of my Christmas shopping done. Which is a miracle. Normally I'm rushing at the last minute to buy presents.

*I can't decide if I want to change my hair or not, or what I'd do with it.

*Forgiveness is a truly remarkable thing. I've made many mistakes in my life. Said things without thinking first and caused pain to others. And it's wonderful to have friends that can forgive me and accept me even with my mistakes.

*I'm too much of a people pleaser.

*If someone hurts my feelings, they should feel sorry about it. And I need to not feel bad when they do. Cause somehow I end up apologizing instead..

*My senior year has been nothing like I expected.

*School costs too much.

*If you're having problems with someone, talk to them. Don't talk through other people. It gets very uncomfortable to be in the middle of a personal fight.

*I miss dancing.

*I am truly so blessed to have the family I do. Not even just immediate, but extended family as well.

*Girls can be so cruel to other girls. Which is probably why I hardly have any girl friends.

*In about five months I'll have to really grow up and start living a grown up's life.

*I'm obsessed with sweetarts.

*I have a hard time dealing with change.

*I am grateful for the trials I have had in my life. I have learned a lot from them.

*I love reading books and watching TV/movies because I can escape my life for a while and live through someone else's.

*This is the fourth weekend I've stayed in Logan this semester, and the second spent without Trent.

*I am so excited for Christmas. I just love this time of year!

:)

Blah Blah Blah..

..that's my excuse this time for why I haven't written a post in ages..

Anyone starting to see a pattern? I apologize for my absence. Promise to post more often. Then apologize when that doesn't happen.. and it just keeps repeating.

Well no more.

I will post when I post. That's it. I won't make any promises.

So I can't believe it's already December. Where does time go? I still feel like yesterday was the last day of summer and I was dreading going back to school. And now the semester will be over in a few weeks. I'm still in shock.

Thanksgiving break was wonderful! It was so nice to go home and relax all week and not worry about any school work I had to do. I got to do my favorite thing: spend time with Trent and my family. Of course, Thanksgiving break is evil in a way. You get a nice taste of how nice it is to be home for the holidays and then all of a sudden it's over. You're back at school. And have all the last minute projects, papers, and finals to worry about. What? How am I supposed to focus?!

I've already clocked out this semester. It didn't help that I had the flu the past two days. Yeah, that was horrible. So I missed school and felt miserable and lost any motivation I had for school.

Writing this post proves my lack of motivation. It's amazing what you can find the time to do when you're avoiding any type of school work. I should be finishing a big ethics essay I have due tomorrow. Not to mention the three quizzes or studying for a test. But I just can't get myself to do it.

And along the lines of finding anything but studying to do, I've distracted myself with a book. Not the book that I should be reading so I can finally finish the series after what, three years (Work and the Glory), and not the book that I've read countless times (Harry Potter) but the Hunger Games.

I have read these books before, a year ago, when a friend talked me into it. I kept telling her I would read them when I finished Work and the Glory. But luckily she knows me so well and knew that couldn't happen- obviously since it's a year later and I STILL haven't finished them.. So anyways, she made me some CD's of the book so I could start to listen to it during my many drives to and from Logan, and I became hooked. I listened to all three books in the series in a very short amount of time. I still remember wasting so much time lying on my bed listening to these books when I should've been doing homework. And things haven't changed now. I found the CD's in my car on my last trip back up to Logan and decided to put them in again in honor of the movie that is coming out next year. And I was hooked just like last year. And once again I find myself avoiding any homework by lying on my bed just listening to this interesting story Suzanne Collins came up with.

Seriously folks, if you haven't read The Hunger Games series, I suggest you get on it. Especially before the movie comes out.

:)