Lost

I have lost a lot of things in the past couple of days. 

My appetite which has led to losing at least 5 pounds. A lot of sleep. A lot of tears. A family I thought I'd be a part of. All of these things I've lost because I lost my best friend.. 

I lost Trent.

Trent and I broke up Monday night. It's been a big shock to everyone, and especially to me. A week ago, I had my life planned out with a boy I loved. Now, all I have in my future is graduation and a whole lot of guess work. And I hate it.

I don't even feel like I can begin to explain how it happened. It was so sudden. One little error of communication on Thursday lead to a horrible weekend filled with both of us taking a step back and analyzing our relationship. We had both come to the realization that maybe we weren't right for each other. And then Monday night, we broke up.
We ended things on a good note. It was mutual. We both felt the same way. But that doesn't make it any easier. I try to tell myself it's for the best. It was the right thing to do. That my Heavenly Father has another plan for me. But then I remember that all the plans Trent and I had together are never going to happen. That he is out of my life. That I can't text or call him throughout my day to tell him random little things. That we won't stay up till three in the morning when I become loopy and crazy and we laugh so hard. That I'll never be held or kissed by him again. That I won't be apart of his wonderful family. And I lose it. I break down. And it becomes almost impossible to stay positive.
One thing I can at least be grateful for is that I'm home and can be with my family during this. The family that let's me cry in their arms and tells me things will be ok but that it's alright to be sad right now. The family that brings me a frosty in the middle of the night to comfort me. As hard of a time I've been having, it would've been worse if it weren't for them.

I know things will get better. I've had a broken heart before and it has healed so I know it can and will be healed again. That it just takes time. But it's so hard when what I want is not what is right for me. When I love someone so much but have to say goodbye...
So goodbye Trent. Thanks for everything you've done for me these past six months. I wish you the best of luck in everything you do, cause you deserve the best. You deserve to be happy. You are such a great guy and I will miss you terribly..
Goodbye.

In honor of finals week..

:)

Thoughts..

*I have three finals standing in my way of Christmas break.

*I've already gotten most of my Christmas shopping done. Which is a miracle. Normally I'm rushing at the last minute to buy presents.

*I can't decide if I want to change my hair or not, or what I'd do with it.

*Forgiveness is a truly remarkable thing. I've made many mistakes in my life. Said things without thinking first and caused pain to others. And it's wonderful to have friends that can forgive me and accept me even with my mistakes.

*I'm too much of a people pleaser.

*If someone hurts my feelings, they should feel sorry about it. And I need to not feel bad when they do. Cause somehow I end up apologizing instead..

*My senior year has been nothing like I expected.

*School costs too much.

*If you're having problems with someone, talk to them. Don't talk through other people. It gets very uncomfortable to be in the middle of a personal fight.

*I miss dancing.

*I am truly so blessed to have the family I do. Not even just immediate, but extended family as well.

*Girls can be so cruel to other girls. Which is probably why I hardly have any girl friends.

*In about five months I'll have to really grow up and start living a grown up's life.

*I'm obsessed with sweetarts.

*I have a hard time dealing with change.

*I am grateful for the trials I have had in my life. I have learned a lot from them.

*I love reading books and watching TV/movies because I can escape my life for a while and live through someone else's.

*This is the fourth weekend I've stayed in Logan this semester, and the second spent without Trent.

*I am so excited for Christmas. I just love this time of year!

:)

Blah Blah Blah..

..that's my excuse this time for why I haven't written a post in ages..

Anyone starting to see a pattern? I apologize for my absence. Promise to post more often. Then apologize when that doesn't happen.. and it just keeps repeating.

Well no more.

I will post when I post. That's it. I won't make any promises.

So I can't believe it's already December. Where does time go? I still feel like yesterday was the last day of summer and I was dreading going back to school. And now the semester will be over in a few weeks. I'm still in shock.

Thanksgiving break was wonderful! It was so nice to go home and relax all week and not worry about any school work I had to do. I got to do my favorite thing: spend time with Trent and my family. Of course, Thanksgiving break is evil in a way. You get a nice taste of how nice it is to be home for the holidays and then all of a sudden it's over. You're back at school. And have all the last minute projects, papers, and finals to worry about. What? How am I supposed to focus?!

I've already clocked out this semester. It didn't help that I had the flu the past two days. Yeah, that was horrible. So I missed school and felt miserable and lost any motivation I had for school.

Writing this post proves my lack of motivation. It's amazing what you can find the time to do when you're avoiding any type of school work. I should be finishing a big ethics essay I have due tomorrow. Not to mention the three quizzes or studying for a test. But I just can't get myself to do it.

And along the lines of finding anything but studying to do, I've distracted myself with a book. Not the book that I should be reading so I can finally finish the series after what, three years (Work and the Glory), and not the book that I've read countless times (Harry Potter) but the Hunger Games.

I have read these books before, a year ago, when a friend talked me into it. I kept telling her I would read them when I finished Work and the Glory. But luckily she knows me so well and knew that couldn't happen- obviously since it's a year later and I STILL haven't finished them.. So anyways, she made me some CD's of the book so I could start to listen to it during my many drives to and from Logan, and I became hooked. I listened to all three books in the series in a very short amount of time. I still remember wasting so much time lying on my bed listening to these books when I should've been doing homework. And things haven't changed now. I found the CD's in my car on my last trip back up to Logan and decided to put them in again in honor of the movie that is coming out next year. And I was hooked just like last year. And once again I find myself avoiding any homework by lying on my bed just listening to this interesting story Suzanne Collins came up with.

Seriously folks, if you haven't read The Hunger Games series, I suggest you get on it. Especially before the movie comes out.

:)

So Happy

Here are some reasons why:

*I got a 95 on my advanced accounting test that I thought I had failed.

*I have become a much better student than the last three years which will keep graduating in May possible.

*There is two weeks until Thanksgiving break and then two and a half after that until Christmas break. Which means I can go home and be with my family and Trent for longer than three days.

*I'm close to being able to say I only have ONE semester of school left. EVER. And will be registering for the last time for that last semester next Monday. Crazy right? I still can't believe it.. but I'm STOKED!

*Christmas season is on its way which makes everything happier.

*I have the best family in the world. Not to mention the cutest nieces and nephews.

And the biggest reason of all:

*I have a wonderful boyfriend that I'm completely in love with!

:)

Happy Halloween!

Busy Busy Busy.

That is my life.

So here are some pictures from my Halloween festivities that I've been up to the past couple of weekends.

Hope you all had some Halloween fun too!

:)

Quote of the Day

Only God can turn a MESS into a message

a TEST into a testimony

a TRIAL into triumph

and a VICTIM into a victory

Trelsie..

..is what our friends have decided to call us. Because apparently when you start dating someone, you no longer have your own identity. You become one. And heaven forbid you go anywhere without the other..

WARNING:

this post was only going to be a brief update to tell a little about my boyfriend since he is a big part of my life, but it has turned into a full account of our relationship (mostly for journal purposes) so it's going to be very long..

Trent and I met almost three years ago come December and became instant friends. He had been dating someone at the time but soon after broke up with her. I had a little crush on him but figured he just got out of a relationship and would be going on a mission in a couple months so nothing would happen. I was fine with being friends. For a while anyways..

It was Valentine's Day and all our friends decided to go to dinner since we were all single. After dinner we went to Trent's house to watch a movie, and it was then that I decided I really liked him. I remember wanting to cuddle with him that night, but we didn't end up sitting by each other. We (me and my friend Lexi) kept thinking of ways to get him to fit on the couch with us and I believe he ended up lying over top of us.. haha

The next day, Sunday, I was at Lexi's house and I had finally told her I really liked Trent, but I was conflicted with knowing he was leaving on his mission in two months. I'm pretty sure I told her not to tell anyone but either way she ended up telling Trent's friend Matt. So naturally Matt told Trent. This all happened when we were all at Lexi's together. So I saw Lexi and Matt talking. Saw Matt freak out and tell Trent he had to talk to him. And watched them walk out of the room. So I knew exactly what had happened and I started freaking out. Now I can't fully recall what happened after that, I just know I didn't talk to Trent about it. It was like this big secret still even though we all knew that everyone knew.

The next day came around and we all hung out before Lexi and I had to go back to Logan (it was President's Day). As we were saying bye to everyone about to get into the car, somehow it got discussed that Trent and John (another friend) should come up to visit us in Logan. So two days later, they came up. We hung out all night touring campus a bit, eating dinner, playing with the "Harry Potter" bookshelves in the library, etc. When it was getting late, we decided to watch a movie before we went to bed. So we watched the Dark Knight. And I was stoked to cuddle with Trent. I figured it had to happen tonight since now he knew I liked him and all.. So I waited.. and waited.. we were sitting right next to each other.. my hand was on my leg.. all he had to do was grab it.. then all of a sudden: movie over. What?! Credits come on the screen and then he holds my hand.. yeah great timing right? But it was enough. I was happy.

We dated for two months before he left on his mission. It was hard to say goodbye to him but I went into the relationship already knowing it would end in two months, so I was ready for it. I wrote him every week for six months, whether it was a letter or an e-mail, it was every week. But then life happened and I met someone. Now, Trent and I had planned before he left that I would continue to date, that I wasn't "waiting" for him. We knew we hadn't dated that long and two years is a long time. People change. So we left with no expectations. But it still became awkward, especially since I only dated Landon for four months. So Trent still had another year left on his mission. But I didn't want it to seem that I'd just go right back to him if I wasn't dating anyone.. So we still wrote every once in a while, and I continued to date other guys.

And then April (2011) came around and I started getting nervous. Trent was coming home. I had no idea what to expect. My mind was going crazy with all the thoughts I had. Would we still be friends? Does he want to start dating again? Do I want to start dating again? Do I go see him the day he gets back? Does that look like I want to pick up where we left off? I don't know anyone going to see him, do I go by myself? Is it going to be awkward? Do I wait to see him at his homecoming? What would he think about that? How do I get a hold of him to see him? Will he try to contact me? I should be the one to make the first move right?

What do I do?!

There were probably a lot more thoughts, but you get the idea- I was freaking out. And I finally decided I would go the next day (he got home on a Friday, so I'd go over on Saturday). That way I didn't seem too forward, but I still showed that I cared and wanted to see him. And I ended up getting in touch with our friend Robbie who said he'd go with me so I didn't have to go alone. So I had a girls night Friday night to get my mind off of everything. When I got home, I got on the computer to briefly check my e-mail and facebook and had a heart attack. Trent sent me a message on fb and was online to chat! Holy goodness. I couldn't help myself.. I had to say hi.. So our first conversation with him back was over facebook chat. Sad I know. But at least we were able to communicate that Robbie and I would go see him the next morning.

So the next morning, I picked Robbie up and then called Trent (yes our second convo was over the phone, apparently we like to build up to talking face to face..) and ended up meeting up with him and his whole family over on Fort Union in a parking lot. (They were out shopping for clothes and things for him.) So I'm on the phone with him trying to find him and see him across the parking lot.. talk about a long walk to first see a boy you haven't seen in two years and don't know where you stand with him. But it was fine. He looked good and it wasn't awkward. We just tagged along with him and his family shopping for a bit just talking and somewhat catching up. It was good.

The next couple of weeks we talked a lot and hung out quite a bit. It seemed like we were just jumping right back in to things. But then all of a sudden it stopped. Nothing was discussed between us. We just stopped talking and hanging out. It was like we both had the thought we were moving too fast and that he needed to date other people. So we saw each other only at times where all of our friends got together. Anytime I was away from him, I'd convince myself it was good we weren't together. That he needed to date around especially since I had done that for the last two years. But anytime I saw him, I couldn't help but just want to be with him. It was hard. Especially around the time that he had taken a girl out a couple times and everyone kept asking him if they were dating. I did not like that. Not one bit.

Then on June 22, everything changed. I don't know what it was. I don't know why then. But from that day on, we hung out every day. And I mean every day (we went almost eight straight weeks of seeing each other every day). Four days later we finally talked about what we wanted to do. And after some discussion, we decided we both liked each other so we might as well try it out again. We then kissed and have been dating ever since.

It's been a great three months so far. We've spent a lot of time together and it's been great. We went on many dates and got lots of snowies. We went house shopping.. ok, that's a lie, we just went to the Parade of Homes with his family. We went to Lagoon a couple times. We've gone on one road trip down to St George to see Grease at Tuacahn which was a blast. And now we're trying to do the whole long distance relationship, which sucks, but it's been fine. We have no choice but to live with it.

So that is the story of Trelsie. It's sad it's as long as it is cause I could have included a lot more. But it's detailed enough to give you an idea of our relationship. So now you can just enjoy some pics :)

Before the mish:

V-day at Olive Garden-where it all began

First visit to Logan

After:

4th of July- first actual date

I have taught him well.. :)

The day of the convo and second first kiss

(which also happened to be Matt's homecoming day)

We had mini smores that we roasted over that candle

First road trip to St Geezy to see Grease!

Lots of Sunny D

Outdoor movie at the Capitol

At his ex-girlfriend's wedding.. yes, the ex he was dating when I first met him.

(She did not like me back then.. but once Trent left on his mission, we became great friends)

:)

Food for Thought

What if you woke up today with only the things that you thanked God for yesterday?

Pictures are worth a thousand words

I still haven't gotten all the pics from my siblings-who took more pictures than I did- but here are some that I do have.

The crew! minus Nate, Marcie and Braylie

Enjoyin our favorite seats on the boat

Havin some fun while gettin clean

Proof that I can wakeboard! And if you were to look very close, you could see I'm SMILING! :)

Laughing at the boys.. We saw a couple full moons.. haha

Mmm ice cream!

Bed time. We'll never get the rooms.. even when we're married. The curse of being the youngest..

Ha.. I probably shouldn't post this picture.. but it's typical me: reading a book eating sunflower seeds. I just got a little creative so I didn't have to hold the cup.. :) haha

Jumpin for joy!

Chantell and I could be twins..

..which isn't good for Jarem.. haha

Soooo happy he got to go! Isn't he the cutest?!

Tubin!!

Amazing sunsets

:)

Boy oh Boy

Life is crazy. I don't feel like I've had even one second of free time to just relax by myself. I had one last week of summer after Lake Powell and I spent almost every second of it with Trent which was wonderful. But it went by way too fast and I was NOT ready for summer to end and school to start. I didn't pack and move up until Sunday night. I didn't even have any paper on the first day of class. Talk about way unprepared. And now I've gone through the first week of school and already feel WAY overloaded with homework and things to do. It's going to be one rough semester and I am not excited. I am going to have zero social life. Which really won't be a big deal because my best friend is mad at me and might not even be my friend anymore and I have a boyfriend so it looks like it'll be perfectly fine to study all night every night. But even with no social life to distract me, I am still overwhelmed with how much I'm going to have to do this semester. It's going to suck. I just really cannot wait to be done with school.

But anyways, I'll try not to talk about how much I hate school.. so I'll tell you about my weekend. I spent it up at Bear Lake with my family. It's a tradition my family has had ever since I can remember. Every Labor Day weekend we go up with two other families that my parents have been friends with since they were first married. I hadn't been in at least four years and figured it was time to go again and I forgot how much I love that place and how many childhood memories come from it. So it was fun being up there again. Even though I just felt like the odd one out the whole weekend. It was either all couples or little kids. Even my little sister had her boyfriend there. Talk about sucky. Cause my boyfriend is currently on a cruise with his family. So not only was he not there with me, but I couldn't even talk to him. But I still had a great time. It's always a good time when I'm with family. But now I'm back in Logan. Back to reality and homework. And as much as I want to keep writing and telling about my life and how wonderful the non-school part is (Trent..) I don't have time. I need to go do some reading so I can stay on top of the discussions in each class. So hopefully I'll be back sooner than later. And I still haven't forgotten the Lake Powell pictures I promised.. I will get to it.

And lastly, I just want to wish a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the best mother in the world!

I love you mom!

:)

Milne Family Vaca: Lake Powell!!

There are hardly any words to describe my love for Lake Powell. It has been a family tradition every year since I can remember. Even though I've only been able to go consecutively for the last couple of years. It all started out with my mom's family. They bought into a houseboat and each sibling was allowed to bring two kids every year. Since I have four older siblings, I didn't get to go as often. But just recently, my own family has decided to start the tradition for ourselves. So we bought into a way nicer houseboat and now once a year my family vacation will always be Lake Powell. I could not be happier. It's so nice to just relax all week on a lake. I live in a swimsuit. I can swim whenever I want. I get to go boating everyday. I get tan. And I get to spend a week with my family. It's wonderful.

This year we ran into a few problems. Our houseboat broke down so we weren't able to take it out of the slip which was a big bummer. But luckily we made the best of it and it wasn't too bad. I was just happy to finally take a vacation. And what a great vacation it was! I didn't get burnt. I finally gave wakeboarding another try and was surprised that I didn't hate it like I thought. I also decided to go all out and try the sky ski as well. It took a long time but I finally got up for a few seconds. It definitely didn't come as easy as wakeboarding did. I tubed lots which is my favorite part about boating. We cliff jumped. We watched lots of movies and played cards. I read some and laughed a ton. I won't go into great detail about my week. I'd be here forever if I did. So I'll just share some pictures when I have more time to look through them and get some from my family.

So stay tuned.

:)

Time sure does fly..

Summer is coming to an end. I can't believe it. I had so many expectations for this summer and it hasn't met really any of them. But that's not a bad thing. I couldn't be happier with how things have played out. It just proves you can never know what is in store for you.

But I don't want it to end. I'm not looking forward to going back up to school. Even though it is my last year and I'm stoked to get it over with, it's going to be a very stressful and hard couple of months. If only I could fast forward to next May when it will all be over..

But all I can do for now is enjoy these last couple of weeks I have left before I move once again, and for the last time, up to Logan. Hopefully I'll have some epic end of summer happenings to write about.

And sorry for my absence lately. I figure I've got to spend as much time as I can with certain people here in Salt Lake before I move. So I don't spend much time on my computer like I have in the past. But just know that life is great and I'm enjoying every moment of it.

Hope you all are having as good of time as I am.

:)

I solemnly swear I am up to no good

Harry Potter is over. I don't know what to do with myself now. I was sad when the books ended, but was comforted by the fact that I had the movies to look forward to. And now the movies have ended.

No more Harry Potter to look forward to! What a sad day.

I had a great time preparing for the final movie though. My friend Natalie put on a marathon over two days. She even made a bunch of HP treats

They were all very yummy! And made the marathon all the more fun!

Then the night of the premiere came and I was stoked. I was lucky enough to borrow some sweet costumes from my brother-in-laws' step-dad..

Only 4 out of 12 decided to dress up.

Rylee and I always have to take a pic with our 3D glasses.

My nieces and nephews couldn't pass up the chance to try on the costumes..

Cute huh? haha it was so fun to watch them dress up and get excited to show everyone. I'm glad I'm such a good influence on them :)

Ok, now I bet you're all wondering what I thought about the movie..

I have to be honest and say I didn't love it. It was good, but I was disappointed with the ending. I tried preparing myself for it, because from the trailer I knew it wasn't going to be like the book, but it didn't do any good. I was still bugged. I mean, my favorite part of the book wasn't shown right! So I guess you could say I really liked it up until the very end. But that's just my opinion. I think anyone who hasn't read the books, or isn't as obsessed as I am- especially about the ending, will really love it. Cause if I put the book aside, it really is a good movie. I just wish they would've stayed a little closer to the book at the end.. But oh well. Nothing I can do about it.

But now what? Do I move on from Harry Potter? Close that chapter of my life and move onto something else? Find another series to get into? Or stay strong and re-read all the books for the 4th time?

I'm thinking the latter..

:)

Mischief managed.