New Clothes

So I decided I really need to go shopping and buy me some new clothes. Clothes that are in style right now. I used to always say I couldn't wear what was in style now because it just seemed not me, but it's starting to grow on me and I like it.

Since I've moved home I gained two extra closets: Chantell's and Christal's- that are full of cute new clothes. So of course I start to wear their clothes more than my own, but then when I go out in public and people comment on how cute my clothes are I don't like having to say thanks, it's my sisters. Chantell is also moving out this weekend so I will be losing her clothes anyways. BUT the only problem with me needing to buy more clothes is that I don't like shopping and I don't like spending money. So I have a dilemma. I guess it's a good thing my birthday is in two weeks. Maybe I can get OTHER people to do the shopping and spending for me :) haha sounds like a good idea right? Now that I think about it- my birthday and Christmas are about the only time I get new clothes.. hmm

Along with clothes, I need some more shoes. I'm definitely not the girl that has 100 pair. I'd guess I have maybe around 10. So that needs to change too. I've actually really wanted to get a pair of TOMS for a long time now- a year actually. When I went to California with my friends last June and Robbie was shopping for some, I decided I wanted a pair. But of course I don't think I'll ever get a pair because of how expensive they are. I don't think I could handle buying a pair of shoes for $68. I'm a cheap person. If I do spend money- it's only if it's a very good deal on something. But it's a struggle cause look at how perfect these shoes are for me:

I mean come on- both of my favorite colors in one. Yup I want them. Maybe if I didn't have to save up my money for school and a new car I could possibly get myself to buy them.. But oh well. Maybe in the future when I'm done with school and making tons of money- I'll be able to buy lots of things that I don't let myself buy now.

I guess for now though while I am a poor college student- I'll just rely on my birthday and Christmas being my source of getting new things.

Hurricane of Children

Yesterday a hurricane hit the Milne house. A hurricane of 17 kids running around and destroying the house: I had the great opportunity to watch 17 kids for a little more than 6 hours. Oh man, talk about CRAZY! I'm kind of surprised I am still alive and sane.

(Dinnertime! Nate and Marcie brought pizza for everyone so I didn't have to cook. So great!)

My cousin got married yesterday and of course being the great person I am (ha) I accepted the role of babysitting all the grandkids. I love babysitting so I thought no big deal- it will be fun. Now don't get me wrong, it was fun, but also SUPER exhausting. So exhausting in fact that after they were finally all gone I fell asleep while eating a popsicle! Ok so I actually had finished the popsicle and was chewing on the stick when I fell asleep, but still..

I've got to say thanks to Marcie though- without her help throughout the day, I probably would've gone insane trying to keep up with all those kids at once! Seriously, those kids had SO much energy and were all over the house. How can you keep up with them while also keeping an eye on 3 kids around the age of 2? Believe me- it's hard. But somehow I managed and no one got into any trouble. I didn't even have to cope with any crying babies/kids. I was actually pretty lucky with how good they all behaved because I know it could've been SO much worse.

But now that it is over- I may need a little break from babysitting.

What do you think? :)

Missionary

I never thought I'd have the opportunity to be a missionary in my own home. Even when we first adopted my brother and knew we would have to work with him to teach him the gospel I didn't think much of it. At that point in time we had actual missionaries come and teach him and I was up at school. He seemed to accept it and was baptized 4 months after being in our family. Only now we have come to find out he didn't fully understand what was happening and says he only did it because my mom wanted him to. I can't be too sure he really didn't understand because a part of me thinks he did, but now he is a typical teenager and thinks there are too many rules and that church is boring and a waste of time.

I know there are things that are poisoning his life right now. Things that are keeping the spirit from him so of course he is being led down a path filled with hatred and anger. Things he did in Ukraine but didn't have anyone telling him they are bad. Things he now knows are bad but they are too addicting. Things my family has never had to deal with before so it has become a great challenge with not knowing how to help him or what the right way to go about it is. Things that I believe are the source to his questioning the church.

When I moved home for the summer I didn't fully know about the struggles going on with Austin and my family. I only knew that Austin had become angrier and instead of Christal and him being best friends, they were now enemies. I hoped that my moving home could help settle some things. I am one person that Austin really gets along with. I am "the nice one" in my family. He can't be too mean to me or stay mad at me because I'm "too nice" and he feels bad. So because I'm "so nice" I hoped I could be a good example to him. But I think the best thing that has come from being it, is that I can talk to Austin about more deep things without him getting angry at me. He is able to honestly answer and talk back to me without hating me or telling me to shut up. And this very thing came in handy yesterday.

We got into a deep discussion about the church. He finally told me all his doubts and what he does and doesn't believe in. That he thinks his life is so much harder and I had it so easy because I grew up in the church. I don't want to go into too much detail but it ended with him at least agreeing to try harder. And with the help of a conversation my parents had with him last night about the "things" he is struggling with, I hope the spirit can come back to him so while he is trying and while I continue to help him, he will have that confirmation and know the truth.

So even though this is hard on me and my family, I know it is a blessing in disguise. Cause at least for me, my testimony has definitely grown stronger just by the one conversation we have had.

And I do believe there will be many more to come.

*Disclaimer: Austin isn't a bad kid. He isn't angry or mean all the time. He is just struggling with things right now. I say "things" because he deserves respect and privacy. And I love him no matter what.*

*Also: I quote about me being nice because they are things he has said and I don't want to sound arrogant. :)*

Quote of the Day

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of sh*t.

*Thanks to my sister Tiffany for introducing me to this quote haha

Recent Thoughts

• I love my brown hair. It's possible I might like it more than blonde
• Some days I love being single while other days I miss having someone there for me
• My little sister Christal (who isn't so little anymore) is becoming one heck of a young woman (watch out boys!)
• I miss dancing
• I need to buy new clothes and shoes
• Reading the Work and the Glory series is a challenge- I love them and can't stop reading but it's super depressing at times
• I'm glad I didn't live back in the day when people had to fear for their lives for being a Mormon
• I get along quite well with my adopted brother Austin- we have good talks
• I really do love mowing lawns
• So many people are getting married
• I want to buy an iPod touch
• I miss having little kittens this time of the year
• I get too attached to people too easily
• I hate saying goodbye
• I have too many TV shows that I watch
• I want to buy a Mazda 3 but that won't happen until I'm done with school so I can afford it
• I'm addicted to my computer
• The quality that I like and hate about myself is the same thing
• Dreams are super weird
• I think too much about the past and need to focus more on the present

St. Geezy

A sudden trip to St. George with three great friends of mine was just what I needed! It was nice and relaxing and also let me do a little soul searching.

We left on Friday after enjoying some great Dutch oven cooking at the Jr. High- such a great tradition :)- and made it to St. George in good time for Brooke Ellen and Lindsay to register and get their things for their triathlon (the reason for the trip to St. George in the first place- they signed up to do an Olympic relay triathlon). They were freaking out the whole time seeing all these legit people that have done triathlons many times and also when we drove around the courses they'd be swimming biking and running. After all that we made our way to Lindsay's condo and got settled in. We didn't do too much that night- just relaxed and read some triathlon magazines and then went to bed so we could wake up early and get to the triathlon in time.

So Saturday was the day of the triathlon. We woke up early and got to the place where I had to be separated from them. I wasn't allowed in the transition area so I made my way to sit on some rocks all by myself. I was a little worried that it was going to be super boring and lame by myself for 4 hours but it turned out all right. I was only alone for that first maybe 30 minutes of being there-until after Lindsay swam- then I was able to walk around with both Ellen and Lindsay while Brooke was off biking. We were worried Brooke's bike was going to break down but then all of a sudden she was done- earlier than anticipated- so Ellen had to book it to the transition area so she could start running. It was pretty funny. Then Ellen ran and finished the race making their time around 2 hours and 50 minutes. They did it! They freaked out for nothing- they were totally fine and had no problems at all! So after the race, they wanted to reward themselves with some yummy food- Cafe Rio and Nielsens Frozen Custard. Mmm so good! We went back to the condo to eat our food while watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days- gotta love that movie :) I think I quote it ALL the time haha- and then we slept for maybe 3 hours. Naps are the greatest. So finally around 8 we woke up and the others finally showered and got ready and then we went and hung out with some friends that Brooke knew down there. We just talked and watched Sherlock Holmes- another great movie- and then it was back to the condo to go back to sleep.

Sunday was a nice relaxing day. We woke up and went to church and then came back and thought about taking naps again but Ellen was the only one that actually slept. Brooke and I just read and Lindsay was on her computer. We then were invited to lunch at Lindsay's sister's sister-in-laws place. We hung out there for a couple hours playing with her little kids and eating delicious food. It was a lot of fun. We then just went back to the condo and sat around being lazy once again. We took another nap- can you tell we like to sleep? haha and then I read most of the night until it was bed time again.

Monday was the day I finally got to sleep in- not that I really needed the sleep cause it's not like I hadn't slept ALL weekend- but it still felt good. We spent some time playing tennis and laid out by the pool- a better way to nap- might as well get some sun while sleeping right? After a couple hours there we went back to the condo and ate some lunch, cleaned up and then packed and made our way to Kanarraville where we wanted to do a hike to some waterfalls. That was a very fun experience. First we had to get directions from a lady with the sickest mullet hahaha and then the hike was entertaining with having to cross a river many times. Towards the end we were all freezing and I had a pretty good cut/bruise on my shin- but it was definitely worth it. It was a great way to end the trip. We then made our way to Brooke's grandma's house where we quickly got out of our wet cold clothes and made some sandwiches for the ride home. We made it safely back in Murray at 11 pm where the first thing I did was get on my computer. Can you say addicted?

Now I mentioned that I did some soul searching during this trip. This is because I finally came to the conclusion that I am so negative towards myself. I assume I am going to fail at things before I even give them a chance. I have a hard time trying new things for fear that I will fail. Take the triathlon for example. Seeing them do it made me really want to do it but before I really could let myself think about it I automatically came to the conclusion that I could never do it so why even try. I have a hard time playing sports or new games or pretty much doing anything because I just assume I will fail or be no good. It's like I have this need to be good at everything so if theres even a chance I'll be bad, I don't want to try. I don't want to make a fool out of myself. I fear peoples judgement too so I act before anyone else can- by saying I suck so badly. Why do I do this to myself? I worry too much about how good or bad I'll be at something instead of just realizing I could have so much fun trying! So from here on out I am going to try to be more positive about myself and allow myself to TRY things without worrying about failing or not. It's going to be hard, but I know I need to work on it to have a better self-esteem.

So the trip was a success- I had a ton of fun and learned I need to be positive. :)

I would post pictures but Brooke took most of them so if I ever get them from her I will put them up. But now I'm back home and I should probably go get some things done..

Paramore

Yesterday was such a great day! I first got to start off the day babysitting these adorable little people:

We had a great time together- and no worries, I am well on my way of becoming Gracie's favorite Aunt :)

Then later it was the Paramore concert with Hanah and Rylee. Hanah got tickets for her birthday a couple months ago and invited me and Rylee to go with her and I can't thank her enough. It was such a fun concert!

Fun performed first and although I had never heard of this band before- I fell in love. They were way good!

Relient K performed next and I realized I only know most of their older songs so I wasn't able to sing along to any- but they were still good and very fun to watch!

And then Paramore came on and just blew both previous performers out of the water! Man I was so impressed! Hayley Williams sure does know how to entertain a crowd!

My favorite photos of the night:

And then to top it all off- it was raining!! I really don't know what it is- but I'm kind of obsessed with rain. I just LOVE it! :)

Happy Mothers Day!!

This woman is by far the greatest ever! I couldn't have asked for a better person to be my mother. I look up to her so much. She does sooo much for me as well as the rest of my family. Today I even put myself in her shoes and made dinner for everyone to give my mom a break. I didn't realize how stressful that can be when it's for a bigger group and not just me and Rylee. So from that experience I not only learned to appreciate more of what my mom does for me but also that I still have a TON to learn about being a mom. So it's a good thing I have such a great role model to learn from :).

I love you mom! I hope you had a great relaxing Mother's Day!!

(and Happy Mother's Day to all the other mothers out there! You guys are truly the greatest!!)

Dear Weather,

I finished my last final today and was stoked that summer was here. So you can imagine how horrible it felt to walk outside and see it SNOWING! That doesn't make it feel like summer. It's May in case you haven't noticed. Could you please stop being bi-polar and quit with the snow until next winter? It doesn't even have to be sunny yet- just at least have it rain. I love the rain. But I also love the sun too. So either weather choice is fine by me. Just please no more snow.

Sincerely, Me.

My List of Summer Fun

I have only taken one final and still have two to go plus a paper, but seeing as how I'm already sick of studying, I needed a break. So of course my mind starts to wander off and think about summer since it is only a few days away and I decided to make a list of a few things I am most excited for (in no particular order).

• Earning money by the 3 jobs I'll hopefully have
• Wednesday Arby's runs with Marcie
• Swimming and soaking up the sun everyday
• Going to the gym- it is very much needed
• Catching up with old friends
• Boating
• Being home with my family
• Babysitting my favorite kids in the world
• Going to friends' weddings- weird
• Help teach dance classes with Heather
• Hopefully buying a new car
• Lake Powell
• My birthday- I'll no longer be a teenager!
• Yummy fruit from our garden
• A new nephew (ok- so he won't come until summer is over, but I'm still STOKED!)
• Getting time to actually read a book that isn't a textbook
• Family reunions
• And many more things..

Yup, I'm excited- it'll be a GREAT summer! :D