Explanation

I figure I should do a little explaining about my last post since I was very vague about what happened to me..

Last Saturday, Landon and I broke up. I didn't post much about it that night because I knew I'd end up saying things I'd regret later because I was an emotional wreck. I still am a mess but at least I've had time to really think through things and am starting to come to terms with it all.

Deep down, I think I always knew it was going to end sooner or later. But no one ever wants to think about that and so of course I found myself thinking the complete opposite- that it was never going to end. Yes, never ending meaning we'd get married. I was very happy with that thought. I mean who wouldn't be? To think you've found the one you'll spend the rest of eternity with would always be a great thought. It all seemed so perfect..

But I guess my wants and my plans are different from the Lord's. The Lord knows what is right for me. But why does doing the right thing sometimes the hardest thing to do? And even admitting it's the right thing, is super hard to do. I don't want to admit that Landon and I breaking up was the right thing, but I know it was.

I just think the worst part about it, is knowing I just lost my best friend. The person who was always there for me, the person I could text random things to during the day knowing he'd appreciate them, the person I'd look forward to hearing from most, the person who always put a smile on my face no matter what, the person who always made me feel good about myself. That person is now gone.

I know I have many other great friends that can fill those roles, and those friends have been so great and supportive to me the past couple of days, but it's just not the same.

I don't mean to make this into some big depressing post or to get pity from anyone. It's just what is happening in my life at the moment. Heartbreak is a part of life that we all have to go through no matter how bad it sucks. So I'm keeping my head up and trying to look on the bright side of things. I will be ok eventually. I just need time to heal.